You might be a grad student if...

you have ever brought a scholarly article to a bar. (guilty... so sad, but true- I feel bad for the folks who came to wing-night with there significant others who are not in science-- 2 hours of discussion of Northern Blotting techniques- not so much fun for them)
you have ever discussed academic matters at a sporting event.
you find the bibliographies of books more interesting than the actual text. you have accepted guilt as an inherent feature of relaxation.
you reflexively start analyzing those greek letters before you realize that it's a sorority sweatshirt, not an equation.
you find yourself explaining to children that you are in "20th grade". (actually for those keeping track-- I'm just wrapping up 20th grade, so soon it will be 21st grade-- its sad... I have spent 5 times more years in school than out)
you've ever brought books with you on vacation and actually studied.

Why God Never Received Tenure at any University
He had only one major publication.
It was in Hebrew.
It had no references.
It wasn't published in a refereed journal.
Some even doubt he wrote it himself.
It may be true that he created the world, but what has he done since then?
His cooperative efforts have been quite limited.
The scientific community has had a hard time replicating his results.
He never applied to the Ethics Board for permission to use human subjects.
When one experiment went awry he tried to cover it up by drowning the subjects.
When subjects didn't behave as predicted, he deleted them from the sample .
He rarely came to class, just told students to read the Book.
Some say he had his son teach the class.
He expelled his first two students for learning.
Although there were only ten requirements, most students failed his tests.
His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountaintop.